Choices We All Have to Make Them
by smirkforever
Summary: Choices, we all have to make them and now that Elena has her humanity back she needs to make a couple soon. Damon or Stefan, who does she decide. This story takes place after episode 4.21 "She's Come Undone". Right now the rating is T, but that might change as the story progresses, it just depends on the audience and the characters.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I don't know why I ever stopped reading or writing fanfiction. Maybe it was because I didn't think I could ever find another story to write after my last one, or maybe it was because I wanted to make sure I could do my next story justice! I don't know, but I am so glad I am back! Last week I read a ton of new stories and they all got me thinking of ideas that needed to shared. This story is going to be a little new for me… it is the first time I have ever written a story about a television show that is still airing episodes! Normally I enjoy waiting to see what the writers for the show come up with, but now is the time for Elena to make a decision – any decision – so hopefully you understand why I had to write this story! Please enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of the characters from the show – no copy write infringement is intended. **_

**CHAPTER ONE**

"I don't think I can do this anymore. I think it might be time I actually make a decision." As I utter these words to Caroline, I wonder if I can actually make that decision knowing everything I do. As I fondle the cashmere sweater in front of me, I think back to all of the times that I spent with Stefan and Damon. All the days I thought of having a family, of meeting the one guy I wanted to grow old with. Of that moment when Stefan asked me what I wanted and I knew that being a vampire wasn't it. And then those moments with Damon after I was first changed, knowing that everything was finally right somehow with us. Can I decide to love one Salvatore brother? Do I want to stay a vampire forever? Can I let this life that I was forced into stop me from realizing my childhood dreams?

Those questions have racked my mind since the change, even before if I am honest, but things have definitely come to a head now that my humanity is back. Now that I feel so strongly about all the deaths, all the secrecy, all the lies I just want to wake up and forget it all ever occurred. I want to go back to worrying about dates, dances, even graduation. I know that isn't possible with my current need to seek revenge, but I wish so much that things could be different. Even if I can make one choice towards a normal life – _like I don't know, chose one boyfriend_ – maybe that will make it better somehow.

"Honey, some of us already think you made that choice," Caroline whispers, as she ducks her head and moves closer to a sequined dress on a rack in the back of the store. "You may not want to admit it but when you turned back on the humanity and ran to Stefan's arms, that seemed pretty telling, don't you think?"

I have been dealing with that question for the last few weeks, not really coming to my own conclusion. I know what it looked like, but what I felt at that time was so enormous. That wave of emotion re-entering my body, starting my heart back up, was all encompassing. It was hard to even breathe, let alone realize that the one I was clinging to might not be the one I was choosing. Stefan has always been a rock. Even when he was off on a ripper binge he was thinking of me, worrying about me. Every time he pushed me away when I was trying to bring him back I knew that he wanted what was best for me – even if at the time it wasn't him. Knowing that someone loves you enough to deny their own desires is hard to ignore. And when you need someone to console you, someone that will always want what is best you tend to turn to the one individual in the crowd with their arms open, with their eyes searching, with their heart already visible and part of their actions.

"Maybe he was just closest. Maybe I needed someone that was sympathetic, someone that always represented that comfort I remembered from when I was human, someone that I could just grab onto," I whisper this under my breath.

I don't really want Caroline drawing anymore conclusions from my actions or words. After all, I know Damon cares; in fact I am pretty sure he loves me more than anyone else in the world. But is that enough? Can I ever love him the same way? And what if I do want to be human again, and the cure is available, do I leave him behind? Do I find a nice human that I will never love with the same intensity and have a family with him? I don't really know what kind of love I would be able to give him, or if it would even match his total devotion. After all, the man loves with single purpose and thought. He loves completely, caring little for those around him, only focusing on the one he wants. I have seen this plenty of times in the past, directed at me.

"Elena, why is this coming up now? Have you seen Stefan yet? What about Damon? I know after you told them of your plans to seek revenge on Katherine that you stopped returning their calls, stopped going by the boardinghouse, even going to school – which might I add is not looking good for your prospects of graduating?"

I stifle a laugh at that. "What? You mean the valedictorian wouldn't want her best friend repeating her senior year?" I roll my eyes at Caroline before I begin really giggling. It feels so good to laugh, to feel anything beyond hate, despair and pain. Right now Caroline is the only one I can do that with, the only friend I can really break down with and not feel like I am making light of anything that occurred in the past few weeks.

I feel guilty every time I think about Matt. Remembering the moment I almost killed him makes me shudder. I feel guilty not returning his calls, but I don't think either one of us would appreciate an all-out crying jag right now. Not after everything that occurred. Maybe that makes me a little selfish, but I want to try to understand and come to grips with everything before I begin apologizing, especially to someone that has known me so long and so well. Matt has always been there so completely for me, and I don't want to give him any less of my attention and time.

Bonnie is different – I don't blame her for what is occurring, nor do I find her responsible for Jeremy's death, but I can't look her in the eyes without feeling less about our friendship than I previously did. I am sure that will change, probably soon as Caroline cannot stop talking about getting everyone together now that I want to feel, but I am not going out of my way to see her. Right now my conscience is catching up with me about a lot of things, including trying to kill Bonnie at prom and since I won't turn off my humanity again I just don't want to dredge up memories of anything like that – at least not yet.

As far as Damon and Stefan – I think I just need time. Time to be me, time to answer the questions on my mind. As a vampire time is easy, but I'm not sure how much time I'll be given. Too many people are involved in our triangle for me to ignore them for too long. And I don't think it is fair to either of them to delay this decision for too much longer.

"I haven't seen either of them. I'm feeling a little uneasy about seeing them again to be honest. Maybe that's why I want to answer some of these questions first – so that I don't fall back into a relationship or a routine with either of them. They both mean too much to just fall back into anything, I need to make this decision for all three of us. I need to make this decision finally – it's been too long that we have all been in limbo."

Caroline signs and turns back to the sequin dress. "How much is this? I'm thinking this will look great for the last big bash next week, don't you think?" And with that, Caroline is already on to the next thing, leaving me with questions, so many questions, unanswered.

_A/N: After I finished this chapter I decided I didn't really know who she should be with – just that she needs to be with someone… So I put a poll on my profile – please let me know who you think Elena should end up with! Also I love reviews… so please let me know what you think! _


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries or any of the characters from the show – no copy write infringement is intended. _**

**Chapter Two**

I miss her every day. Her smile, the way it lights up any setting even when it is pitch black outside. Her hair, the way it lays perfectly over her shoulders and down her back, no matter what she has been doing. Her scent, the light floral aroma with the hint of honey and vanilla that never ceases to stop me dead in my tracks every time she walks into a room. Her attitude, the spice of her words when she has a point to make or when she is fed up with my perspective on things, or the airy wonder that can only come from someone that knows that life is offering her an unabridged view.

Her compassion and love is what I miss most though – it has been what I have missed for months now ever since she turned off her humanity. I didn't know what would occur when she finally flipped the switch back on, but I didn't expect her to forget about me or ignore the feelings that have passed between the two of us. I didn't expect her to turn her back on me, even if she decided she didn't love me, I didn't expect that I would lose her.

"Damon! Where are you? We need to talk!"

"Stefan – you always could break up a good melancholy with you incessant need to interrupt. What do you want?" As I swirl the amber liquid around in my glass I know exactly what he wants to talk about – after all, I have spent very little time thinking of anything else over the last few days.

"Elena still isn't picking up her phone. I'm worried that her revenge plan will backfire on her – especially now that her humanity is back and she can really rationalize what she is doing. Have you heard from her?"

"Nope – I have not heard one peep from Elena. I haven't really tried to reach out to her though. Not since the flip switch and her love for my younger brother came flooding back- you remember that right?" As my eyelids quizzically rise and lower, I wonder if Stefan even understands what he's asking me to think about. Does he realize that when Elena came back and chose him, I essentially lost my reason for living? "I've been pretty content to wallow in my drunken stupor and think of better days – you?"

Sarcasm is the one thing that I am able to project that no one questions. It is like they expect nothing less of me then cold callousness. It is a wonder that they can't see beyond that though, but I guess I have given them no reason to even try.

"For someone that says they care so deeply about Elena, you are acting like an ass. I thought it didn't matter to you what happened as long as she turned her emotions back on? I thought you wanted this for her? Has that changed because in your mind turning to me was some significant choice on her part?"

"Brother – your best bet right now would be to turn around and leave me alone. I am not in the mood to hear about your _girlfriend's adjustment _back to the world of humanity. I think you might understand how this feels, maybe even better than I do, since this happened to you not too longer ago. You remember when I stole your girl right?"

Before I even have a chance to raise my glass to my lips for a calming sip, Stefan is ramming into my back throwing me off balance. As I fly into the bookshelf across from the couch, books and artifacts from our lives falling to the floor, I am already planning my retaliation. Rolling into a crouch, I stretch the muscles in my back and crack my neck, looking up towards Stefan from the floor.

"Might not have been a good idea," As I roll my shoulders and stand up, I look him dead in the eyes and see a fire burning there. "I don't know what you expect to get out of this little burst of emotion. Do you want me to break down? Do you want me to fight you? Do you want me to show you some emotion? You might as well tell me, because this" – I motion with my hands towards the mess littering the floor around us – "will only result in you getting your ass kicked. Is that what you want?"

"You know exactly what I want. I want Elena to be happy and safe – I want her to be human again. But her goal of retaliation, her desire to kill Katherine, that is going to get her killed unless we stop her. I need your help, and with your feeling towards Elena I thought that it would be easier to get your help, but you are stuck on the moment she got her humanity back. You need to get past that –".

The words were barely out of his mouth when I had him pinned to the ground – the fight only barely begun, but I had no desire to end it anytime soon. After all, he had taken my reason for living and now he wanted to talk about it, he want my help, he wanted more than I was able to give.

_Ok... So it has been a while since I wrote an update. I apologize. Things have been a little hectic in my life, and then I watched the season end of TVD and realized I couldn't possibly do better than that! But then I thought a few days ago, who cares? My story is mine - and it can be whatever I want. You can like it or not. I hope you like it, but I really don't care and really want my story out there. So with that said, please review. I hope to post my next update soon, but no matter what don't give up hope. I promise to post more eventually. _

_Last time I asked for a little help in choosing who Elena picks - Damon or Stefan. I didn't get a lot of responses and I am still not sure who she will end up. My next chapter will be Stefan's, so maybe we can see a little into what he is thinking about everything. In this chapter we saw his need to get ahold of Elena and try and sway her decision for retaliation, but there might be a little more to that. Plus, don't you want to know what happened after the fight with Damon. I know I do. I haven't started the chapter yet, so if you have any ideas or want to see anything specific let me know. I may or may not use your suggestions -but I like hearing your ideas! Thanks for sticking with me - please don't forget to review!_


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